Success in the most elite disciplines in motorsport requires a combination of advanced precision technologies, an exceptional team backing skilled drivers, as well as a professional attitude to the sport and everyone involved.
None of these traits were possessed by driver Hans Heyer, who had perhaps one of the most exceptional one-off performances in the history of motorsport when he participated in the 1977 German Grand Prix and managed to pull off the impossible trifecta of retiring and being disqualified from a race he did not even qualify for.
A passionate and somewhat unusual driver who was relatively successful in the European Touring Car Championship in the 1970s, Hans Heyer was seen as somewhat of a good-humoured mercenary, willing to drive for basically any team.
By 1977 and at the age of 33, Mr Heyer’s eagerness to drive anything with wheels, genial attitude and friends in high places garnered him an opportunity to join the Formula One grid with the exceptionally poor ATS team and their hand-me-down Penske PC4 cars, despite having had only one start in single-seater cars.
He failed to qualify in 27th, but thanks to knowing some of the stewards from his days go-karting at the Hockenheimring, he took advantage of a chaotic start where the lights failed and two of the championship leaders crashed into each other and started the race anyway.
He raced nine ultimately meaningless laps, one of which was the 22nd fastest of the day before a gearbox part failed, quite unlike the precision motorsport components available today, and he was forced to retire from a race he was never supposed to be in anyway.
As soon as his stricken car was found he was disqualified, earning him the rather ignominious honour of being credited with a DNQ (did not qualify), DNF (did not finish) and DSQ (disqualified) for this one appearance.
He was also banned for five races in F1, not that it mattered since he planned to race again in the division and he continued his sports car career until 1989, although he would come out of retirement in 2004 for his 1000th and last race.